"...They had never seen a tourist before..." Leaders Report by Russ

Hello to you all,
At the end of my last email I commented that it was nice to be in a country where every single inhabitant had table manners as bad as mine!   The term "when in Rome" must have hit a particular cord with me as my manners around the dinner table have reached an all time low.

I have however managed to avoid adopting some other more disturbing Chinese habits. The most notable of these is spitting. Now I'm not talking about the almost dainty (in comparison) spit that footballers do. I'm talking about a deep throated hack manoeuvre that begins somewhere in the deep recesses of gut and then as flem begins to build in direct proportion to volume the whole ball of gak gathers momentum and begins its way up the oesophagus. Frequently the offending flem cannot be retrieved from the gut in one fluid motion and takes several agonising attempts to draw the thing up the throat and in to the mouth before being jettisoned at the nearest inanimate object. The whole scene can look very reminiscent of some kind of acute fit and when (as often happens in the early morning) several persons are haking sino-tai-noisly you could be forgiven for thinking that China was in the grips of some new spasmodic dance craze. Do not think however that this activity is strictly performed in only an outdoor setting; the hotel lobby, restaurant and the bank are all perfectly acceptable placed to gob up half a lung.

With a new group we have begun our journey back from Hong Kong towards central China. We have changed the route and itinerary a bit after the south bound leg where I had to drive on the worst section of road I have ever driven on in my life. To cover a distance of 90km, we took a grand total of 17 hours of actual drive time, 48 hours in total including sleeps and hold ups. How you may ask can you drag out a drive so badly. Well you start with a hellish mountain road. Then you throw in steep drop offs in to deep valleys below, then add mud and sharp rocks, 3 punctures, land slides and boulders blocking the way and whole sections of road just "missing". Then throw in several local mini buses that drive at you at brake neck speed. All in all a harrowing experience. However it did see us holed up for the night in a town called Sangmu, about half way along this god-forsaken road. (Check out the pics of this area).

Our arrival caused something of a sensation being the only tourists to visit the town in living memory, Not surprising seeing as it had taken us over 10 hours to drive there along a stretch of road far shorter than from Coventry to Birmingham. After the initial fuss the local policeman came and said that we all had to be guarded by him for the night to ensure we stayed safe. He had a job on his hands as there where 11 of us and few restaurants with more than one table and 2 seats in town. Anyway Ben (the other crew) and I went off with our newfound police friend to "the best" restaurant in town, so being because it had 4 seats! After a few moments the local head master and his deputy arrived and sat with us. We exchanged a few pleasantries, basically revolving around "why the f…. have you come here" and "how did you get across that road in that truck". The conversation was limited mostly to hand signals and facial expressions due to their lack of English and our lack of Chinese (I do however know the word for I have belly like Buddha, but not really an opportune moment for such linguistic skills).

So it was decided that a dispatch would be sent for the school's English teacher.  Anyway in the mean time a bottle of rice wine appeared on the table, the best in China we where told. Now I had already tried some other more average quality rice wine that had a taste akin to the outer lining of a cows stomach (which I've also had the pleasure of trying in China) and I can say that to my inexperienced palette there was stuff all difference between the cheap or expensive stuff. In fact, all rice wine is without doubt the vilest alcoholic beverage I've ever tried.   OK, so the English teacher arrives and with her (very limited English) we muddle through a few simple conversations and a few more bottles or rice wine. Then all of a sudden the head dismisses the English teacher and he points at her as she departs and seems to want us to signal a thumb's up or down. A little confused as to whether we are judging her looks, signalling our intent that we would like some personal favours or marriage we tentatively give a thumbs up. This is greeted with a jovial round of back slaps and hand shakes. A little confused we head back to the hotel.

It transpires later after talking later to our Chinese speaking guide who is back at the hotel, that there have been no English speakers through this town (Chinese or other) for 3 years. The exact amount of time that the English school teacher has been employed. So while we though she was there to translate, she was, in fact, sent before us to have her English tested. No wonder the poor girl was a gibbering mess. She probably realised the whole thing was a career life or death moment for her. Thankfully, although with little idea of what we had done we passed her with flying colours.

OK that's 2 emails in less than a month so that gets me off the hook till at least early next year.